Let’s take the guilt and shame out of fitness

Let’s take the

guilt and shame out of fitness

Lately, I feel like everywhere I turn I witness another example of how our society is perpetuating negative body image and disordered eating. Diet and fitness culture exists all around us - on social media, sports teams, and TV; in Hollywood, restaurants, and workplaces. It happens between strangers, friends, and family.

Maybe you’ve followed along in the last few months as athletes have come out to speak about eating disorders that were formed in intense training and team environments, and by coaches who pushed them to a mental state where their bodies were the central focus, because the ability to manipulate them was imperative to success. It’s this systematic linkage of physical appearance to diet and exercise that create the perfect storm — a place where people (women in particular) develop unhealthy relationships with food and their body. And this is no joke, because eating disorders are a serious and life-long mental battle that can destroy a person. But having a dysfunctional relationship with exercise can do the same. Environments where language and actions reinforce disordered behavior are furthering this social epidemic where we exercise and eat to punish ourselves rather than better ourselves.

Lately, as I’ve reflected on where this exists in and around my own life, it occurred to me that it is pervasive in the gym and in fitness classes. The words instructors and gym or class-goers use can harm those around them, if not themselves.

Let me be more specific about what I’m referring to.

So visualize for a second: You’re in a class — spin, HIIT, treadmill — and the instructor is shouting at you to motivate you up the next hill, or through the next interval. They are encouraging you to put forth effort, to commit to your workout, and then they say: “this next sprint is for that piece of pumpkin pie last night! And the one after that is for the pancakes you’ll eat after you leave here”. And then you open up Instagram, and fitness influencers are communicating the same message left and right. I cringe. WHY? Why is this acceptable in this environment, or in any other?

I am focusing on this industry because these are the leaders that fitness students look to for guidance and education. These are the coaches who are supposed to represent wellness and fitness in a healthy manner. If they fail to do that, then what example are they setting? What standard are they establishing?

I’m a fitness instructor. I’m a private running coach. I’m a nutritionist. Never have I uttered words like this. I don’t believe that guilt or shame has a place in a fitness class, or anywhere else, as a means of incentivizing others. Will it work? Oh heck yeah, I’m sure it will. You’ll hit a nerve, you’ll make someone want to repent for their actions or prepare for some “damage” they’re doing the next day, and you bet your ass they’ll probably work harder. Because that’s what society, and more specifically diet and fitness culture, has programmed into our heads. But just because that kind of language might be motivating doesn’t mean it has a place in a workout class or group. We must strive to come from a place of positive reinforcement; to make the conscious decision to bring light into that room rather than darkness.

I’m not demonizing instructors as the only problem in the fitness industry. I would be remiss if I didn’t add that there are other people in fitness studios who perpetuate this culture. I overhear countless fitness class attendees speaking to one another in the same way — discussing how they’re working out so they can go to brunch, or because of all the drinks consumed at the holiday party last night. Please, know I’m not placing judgment on you if you realize this is something you do. That’s the last thing I’m doing. Rather, I want to call attention to it, because you may not even realize you are doing it or are being subjected to it.

We should be moving our bodies for reasons besides the food we eat, and we should be fueling our bodies with food not because we think we’ve “earned it”, but because it’s good for us, and our bodies need the energy. Working out should come from a place that seeks strength, resiliency, and growth. Nourishing yourself should come from a place of love, not one of self-judgment.

I recognize how hard this might be to attain. I really do. I went through a period of time many years ago where I had an unhealthy relationship with exercise. I needed it to quell my anxiety, calm my nerves, make myself happier, and stay in shape to compete in running. But, for example, I felt compelled work out EXTRA on Thanksgiving morning. Why? What was I even thinking? Because I was going to eat a big dinner? It’s not right to think like that. I’m so much happier now that I don’t link exercise with food, or feel guilt around either one.

I understand that some people can speak about fitness and food in this shame-induced manner and not feel triggered. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t triggering someone else. And if you are perpetuating this language, you are taking part in the culture of guilt. You are affecting those around you, even if you don’t know it — even if they never tell you. So PLEASE, take responsibility for your words, and do the work on yourself to get out of this mindset and into one that is focused on wellness and optimism.

Can we break free from this? Can we come from a place of positive encouragement versus negative motivation?

Things to stop telling yourself or others: “Exercise because you ate”. “Eat because you exercised”. “Eat less today to make up for yesterday”. “Exercise more today because you won’t be able to tomorrow”. It’s not healthy. It’s just not.

If you find yourself in this cycle, reach out to someone who can help you. Tell your friends, your family. Connect with a coach, nutritionist, or therapist. There is something better waiting for you on the other side of this.

Bottom line: I want happiness for those I teach and coach. I want joy for all the wonderful people I know, and those I don’t. So long as we pursue “health” from a negative place, we will never feel fulfilled or satisfied. We can’t live from a place of abundance if we are constantly shaming and criticizing ourselves and others.

What I DON’T want for you:

• A lifestyle that has you feeling trapped by restrictive behaviors that make you feel smaller, powerless, and chained to a routine that rules your life.

• A way of speaking to yourself and others that furthers disordered relationships with the physical body and the food we put in it.

• A compulsion to repent for any behavior you deem “bad”, or an obsession with behavior you deem “good”.

I don’t want this to be the way you exist in the world, because you deserve freedom from that. You deserve a life that explores how you can create value, community, and growth.

What DO I want for you:

I want you to do things because of they make you happy, not because they are an attempt to ease some culturally assigned guilt. I want you to unleash your sense of joy; fulfillment, purpose, strength, and resilience. I want you to feel motivated by the pursuit of mental health and physical energy — the creation of a life that is fueled by love and acceptance of who you are in every facet of your being.

Next time you hear someone use this language, maybe give them a gentle nudge. Remind them their words affect themselves and everyone else. Remind them of their incredible grit, perseverance, and electric energy. Remind them to focus on what their body can do, not what it looks like. We can change the culture together. Take the lead, and spread positive messages of body image and nutrition. It happens in small ways, person to person.

I’m forever grateful for the instructors and coaches I know who work hard to do this in the right way, and the students who show up to give it their all. Keep doing it. Keep going. Sending you health and love!

Xx Abbie