On progress, set-backs, and nonlinear growth
Progress is never linear. I tell this to my runners when it comes to their training, and to my nutrition clients when it comes to reaching their goals, but I also remind myself of this fact every. single. day. Yesterday was one of those days where I was repeating it to myself like a mantra. I had a few really great days early on in the week with how my body was feeling (both from past injuries and also on the autoimmune front), but then I woke up yesterday with random pain and wasn’t feeling my best from the side-effects of my medications. Initially, my mind went to a place of judgment and fear for two reasons:
1) because I felt defeated by the fact that I was feeling so good and then seemingly worse again, and:
2) because (ironically) I was irritated with myself for not maintaining my usual cheery optimism about the whole thing. I feel outside my own body when I’m not in a bubbly mood, so it really gets in my head.
We tend to picture our growth as this perfectly straight diagonal line that rises up and to the right, as if each day should be better than the last. This visualization indicates and reaffirms to our brain that the way we feel physically, emotionally, and mentally *should* always change for the better. If it doesn’t, well then we tell ourselves we’re moving backwards and we must be failing. What else happens to confound this? We look around. We lift our head up, watch the others around us (whether we know them personally or not), and think: They are succeeding, they are riding a constant high and experiencing consistent improvements, and I’ve got shit luck. And one more thing: We actually go a step further to not only compare ourselves to others, but to our younger selves. I hear this ALL. THE. TIME. “But I used to do this and it worked”... “I used to run x miles per week and never get injured”... “I ate this way for years and never felt like this”.
Here’s the thing about comparison: No one else has the magical secret. Everyone you see out there is also having bad days and taking a step back before taking another one forward. Comparing ourselves to others, and (equally bad) comparing ourselves to our self-imposed expectations of ourselves, is never going to serve us. It’s not reality. Reality? It’s bad days and good days. Injuries, illnesses, heartbreak, and stress. None of those will get better every day. Monday might be awesome, and Tuesday might not. But Wednesday might be a little better than Tuesday. Over time, we adapt, we learn, we grow and evolve. And in the face of it, we can develop grit, perseverance, resilience, and optimism. Those are the mountains and the valleys of life! And they are the things that take us so much further than a perfectly straight line ever could.
So this week, I took a few steps forward. I’m not sure how many. But then I hit a valley, and again, I’m not sure how deep that valley goes. Maybe I’ll stay in it for a few days or weeks before my progression line begins to climb upward again. In the midst of it, I repeat these words to myself: “This too shall pass. I’ve gotten through worse. I’m still grateful. I trust my body.” Because it WILL pass. It always passes. That doesn’t mean it gets easier the next time, but it does mean you become stronger.
Progress is actually defined as “Forward or onward movement toward a destination.”
Forward movement does not mean that we can’t have a bad day, month, year. I would challenge you to think: What if moving forward absolutely requires that you have those bad times? That if you didn’t, if you never had to endure hardship or challenging circumstances, that you couldn’t truly grow? I’m not saying “time heals all wounds” — no, that BS is never helpful. But time does give us space and opportunity, and the more we continue to push onward, the further we will go.
A few final thoughts on this nonlinear journey:
Perfectionism is not something to be proud of. Showing up for yourself, being the best version of you, that should be the goal. Chasing perfection is self-destructive.
You are not the same person you were ten years ago, five years ago, or 6 months ago.
Your body is not the same body it was ten years, five years, or 6 months ago.
What worked for you last year may no longer work for you now. Readjust. Reframe.
Don’t continue to do the same things if they aren’t working. Try something new. What do you have to lose?
When you need to hit pause, then hit pause. Get a good night’s sleep. Wake up, and see if things look different.
Don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t seem to find gratitude or optimism. We all have days where it just isn’t going to happen, and inflicting judgement on ourselves for that is only making things worse.
Practice radical and expansive self-acceptance every day. Having compassion for yourself is also part of the journey, and it’s certainly not linear either.
It’s FRIDAY. So keep going, even if it wasn’t your best day. Maybe tomorrow will be :)
xo
Abbie