Q & A: How do I eat when i don’t have an appetite?
Hi Abbie -
I’m looking for some support / guidance on how to eat when I’m not feeling hungry. For some background, I’ve spent the last 10-15 years in probably what you would call a very diet culture informed way of eating and thinking about my body. I don’t have an eating disorder, but I know now after learning more about your approach that I certainly have some type of disordered relationship with food. As I’ve started to recognize my behaviors with the intention of “fixing” them and having a better relationship with food (and better body image), one of my biggest hurdles has been a lack of appetite. I know I need to eat more. But it’s so hard to understand how much to eat and WHAT to eat when I feel like I don’t really have great hunger signals. I also question whether I need food if I’m not hungry. Is this normal? Is this a result of restrictive eating? Will it ever go away? And how can I navigate healing my relationship with food on days where I don’t have much interest in food?
Thank you so much for any advice you have!
Ali
Hi Ali! And thank you so much for this great question. I actually received another just like it, and have been receiving DMs about it on instagram as well. You’re definitely not alone in having this experience or feeling this way about your journey with food.
Before I dive in, let me address others who may be reading this, and say that this Q&A is an important read even if you identify as someone who has the opposite “problem”, where you feel as though you’re constantly eating or hungry (heavy air quotes, because it’s our culture that has demonized hunger and coopted the idea of emotional eating).
I want to address that alternate perspective up-front: If you feel hungry all the time, it’s a call to action from your body. It means you need food, and you should lean into that cry for help. If you feel that the desire to eat is more emotional than it is physical, there could still be restriction present (are you avoiding certain food groups, considering certain things “treats”, or simply not eating enough?). This could be a whole other post — I just wanted to hold space for those who this “absence of hunger” concept does not resonate. This is something to explore, and I’d urge you to consider asking for help.
Okay, back to the topic at hand: Eating in the ABSENCE of hunger.
Your relationship with food is closely tied to your relationship with hunger and fullness; and at the same time, very real physiological adaptations occur that change your ability to hear those signals altogether.
This is a common experience for those recovering from food restriction, any means of under-eating certain food groups (such as following a keto or paleo or whole30 type protocol), over-exercising, disordered eating, or an eating disorder; it can also cooccur in heavy training periods for athletes. Additionally, something like an illness or nausea can suppress hunger signals or cause physical discomfort that preempts the desire to eat. Finally, a lack of hunger can also be triggered by strong emotional experiences (stress, anxiety, or grief…to name a few).
So with this wide range of possible causes, it’s not a new concept, but I’ve definitely noticed it’s become a more frequent conversation — particularly with the uptick in anxiety during 2020 and 2021. Because our mental state, just like our physical experience, is intimately connected to our hunger and fullness cues.
In times of high stress (physical stress, mental stress, emotional stress), normal hunger and fullness cues can become suppressed or muted altogether. As a result, you may not feel your normal or expected desire for food. And, the STRESS on your body from energy restriction (AKA not eating enough food to support your body’s energy needs for daily functioning) causes a cascade of hormonal effects that can blunt your appetite via metabolic and digestive mechanisms. So to answer the first part of your question: Yes, it’s normal after a period of restrictive eating.
I also want to address the part of your question where you say “I question whether I need food if I’m not hungry”. Our bodies need energy (calories) to survive. Hard stop. You are not the exception to this rule, I can PROMISE you that. I want you to remember this and repeat it to yourself on a daily basis: Hunger is not the only reason to eat. And the absence of hunger is not an excuse for me to skip a meal.
This can get muddled and confused with a the newest sneaky way that diet culture has coopted intuitive eating: telling you to listen to your hunger and fullness to know when to eat. WRONG. That’s diet culture turning hunger and fullness into another diet. In the true paradigm of intuitive eating, a person would NEVER be encouraged to avoid necessary energy, regardless of whether or not your body is connected to its hunger cues.
Sometimes, making the choice to eat when you’re NOT hungry is the most intuitive thing you could ever do for your body. And, it’s the most respectful and caring thing you can do for yourself.
Just because you aren’t feeling your normal level of fatigue at the end of the day, would you decide to just pull an all-nighter? Um, probably not. Why? Because you understand that sleep is a basic human need. Food is the same. We simply cannot survive without it. So please, don’t use your hunger as the only barometer for when and how much to eat. Use your practical and rational mind to make decisions about food.
The other important piece here is that we’ve been conditioned to interpret hunger as just that gnawing feeling in our stomach. However, if that’s what you are using as your cue to eat, you are waiting far too long to eat! There are many earlier signs of hunger, and it’s possible you are just not attuned to looking for them. These include fatigue and low energy, thinking about food, feeling irritable, difficulty concentrating, shakiness, and headaches, to name a few. So I would also encourage you to begin unlearning the idea that hunger is only a growling stomach. That’s another sneaky diet culture belief.
Lastly, to address the questions of “will it ever go away?” and “how can I navigate this?”, let’s walk through some tools to use when you’re working through this lack of appetite, whether it’s related to stress, anxiety, or simply low hormonal function. And yes, it will dissipate as you heal your relationship with food and begin nourishing your body properly.
Tactics to use for eating in the absence of hunger or when food is not appealing to you:
Create a self-care eating schedule for yourself. Yes. Literally set alarms on your phone for when you need to eat something throughout the day. My suggestion is 3 meals and 3 snacks every day, spaced out evenly across the day.
Make a list of foods that almost always appeal to you. Keep this list taped to the inside of your pantry for times when you need the reminder. I encourage clients to think back to their childhood for this one. For me, for example, these foods include: Annie’s mac & cheese, pizza, cereal, oatmeal, croissants, noodles with butter & parmesan, tuna melts, white rice with scrambled eggs, toast with peanut butter & jelly, pad Thai…
Keep easy and appealing foods on hand in your house. See above ^ and make sure you are stocked up on some easy go-to items for quick and comforting meals.
Understand that hunger is not just about that empty growling feeling in your stomach. Other signs of hunger include: thinking about food, feeling fatigued, light-headedness, moodiness, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. There are more signs that these, and each of us will experience this differently. Get to know your own signs of hunger.
Do not beat yourself up for whatever it is that you choose to eat. Notice if that happens, and call it out. That’s some diet culture bullshit in your head, and you don’t have to listen to it. Decided to eat cookies for dinner? GREAT. Don’t you dare feel guilty about taking care of yourself and giving your body whatever form of energy tastes good in that moment.
Take a deep breath and remember: Food has no morality, and it is not something to earn, fear, or be anxious over. When you can look at it that way, it becomes easier to eat when you’re not hungry. Notice if you’ve equated hunger with deserving to eat food. You always deserve to eat. Hunger or not.
I hope this helps. Most of all, I hope it serves as a reminder that there is so much more at play here than just the absence of a grumbling stomach. You do not need to feel hunger in order to eat, and in many cases, eating in the absence of hunger is the absolute pinnacle of self-care and self-respect. Try some of these tips next time you’re struggling, and please share this with anyone in your life who may need the support.