You are more than your sport and nutrition

There were several years where I felt that running had been prematurely stolen from me. That my autoimmune diseases robbed me of living out my true purpose and finding out just how far I could take the gift I’d been given. 

As if running owed me something. I lived as though this one thing defined me, and if I couldn’t do it, well then maybe I had lost my one precious chance to DO something meaningful…to BE something valuable. You see, when meaning and value being tied up in a “thing” (no matter what that thing is), it has control over us in unimaginable ways. It wreaks havoc on our psyche, because the fear of losing it is so great that we don’t even realize we are living in a constant state of chronic anxiety trying so hard not to lose our grasp on it.

And so setback after setback, I kept coming back to running, just like in a toxic relationship. I kept thinking “this time will be different”; “this time I won’t have an autoimmune flare-up or an injury as a result”. But it was never different. It was always the same, be it a slight variation on a theme. 

Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t quit running, I just decided to let go. It was a deliberate, conscious, committed, decision. And my ability to live in that mindset didn’t happen overnight. I worked at it. I worked at it every single day. I challenged myself not just to redefine my relationship with running, but to completely overhaul my relationship with myself — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Because believe it or not, our emotional and spiritual health become intricately tangled up in whatever we allow ourselves to be defined by (and therefore confined by). Physical losses become spiritual losses, emotional health becomes dependent on physical health, and we lose ourselves in a cycle of stress and reaction.

I’m about 4 years into that new relationship with myself. I run when my body feels healthy enough to do it. I eat because I love food, not because I’m trying to use it as a tool in my performance.

It turns out running and autoimmunity served a purpose I had never even fathomed. Because now, as a result of the trauma, I was forced to truly work my way through the really tough stuff and decide to make something of it. Well it’s become something even more important. Maybe I’ll never return to running in the way I once envisioned, and maybe my health will be an obstacle in certain ways throughout my life, but I sure as hell can help others find the peace and wholeness and LIFE that exists on the other side. 

So what is this post about? I’m here to tell you that you are more than one thing. You are more than your body, more than your sport, more than your job. In fact, you are way more than anything you have yet to imagine for yourself. That’s the core reason why when I work with my athletes, it’s not just about the physical training, and when I work with my nutrition clients, it’s not just about the food. To live, fully, we have to embrace who we are without those things. Because to know that is to know how to let them in and let them flourish as a part of you — not as all of you. There is a time and a place for deliberate action in training and nutrition, but without a peaceful relationship with your body and mind, it will only end up doing harm.

So pursue what you love, but don’t allow it to consume you. Commit to being your best, but keep a loose grip on how you define that. Stay strong in your convictions and decisions, but don’t be afraid to adapt and step into the unknown. And above all else, please, make your WHOLENESS the number one priority. Sound hard? It is. But that’s what this journey is all about.